The right way to accept a compliment (I bet you have no idea)
“Hey, you look great today!”
Which is your most likely response:
a) Really? I’m pretty much the same as yesterday.
b) No, no, you’re the one who looks great!
c) Thank you.
If you chose anything other than c) you answered wrong. Consider yourself a complete jerk, both to person doling out the compliment, and to yourself.
The wise words of Garth Algar
You know the part in Wayne’s World when the guy keeps telling Wayne “I love you man!” and Wayne keeps saying “Uh, I love you too man” and the guy replies “No, I LOVE you man!” and on and on and on?
Then Garth comes to his rescue with sage advice “Just say thank you.”
This statement not only solves Wayne’s problem by ending the conversation with that guy who loves him, it’s a bolt of insight that you should remember next time someone compliments you.
Rejection hurts you
So, someone mentioned that your time was really good your last 5K. As usual, you dismiss their compliment.
No biggie.
Well, it probably hurts you more than you think. By refusing this compliment, you’re not recognizing that you could have actually done well. You’re refusing to believe that you could be anything but crappy-to-mediocre. You’re devaluing your accomplishment — and hence — yourself.
This is sad. And not true.
We’re often our harshest critics. The way we talk to ourselves in our own heads, whether we voice it or not, hugely affects our self esteem.
Think about why your first thought would be to refuse a compliment. Why is it difficult to believe that you could be good at something? Good at choosing a nice necklace? Good at making a great tennis serve? Good at staying poised during a difficult presentation?
Accepting a compliment isn’t arrogant, it isn’t conceited, and it isn’t wrong. If someone took the time and effort (and brainpower) to let you know you’re doing a good job, it means you are doing a good job.
Give yourself permission to accept a compliment.
Just say thank you.
Rejection hurts others
You’re at work and someone notices your new haircut — they tell you they like it. You reply with your standard rejection “Oh, not really, it’s just…it’s nothing special.”
You just made that person feel like a total moron for saying you looked nice. You might as well have said “You are wrong, and your opinion is stupid.”
Ouch.
Someone who compliments you wants you to know something good about yourself. They’re not making a joke. They’re not trying to trick you. They’re not trying to make you look like a conceited asshole. They’re trying to be nice and you threw it back in their face.
Accepting a compliment is like accepting a gift. Refusing a gift hurts the giver. Saying a gift is stupid hurts the giver.
Show kindness to someone who took the time to send a compliment your way (even if you don’t believe it’s true).
Just say thank you.
Try it out
Here’s an experiment for next time someone compliments you — just say thank you to the person who said it.
Don’t think too much about what they mean, don’t think too much about why they’re saying it, and don’t brush it off.
This experiment will help you take notice of your reaction to compliments, and how the compliment-giver reacts to your reaction. Pretty soon, I bet you’ll start to feel good when you get a compliment, and you’ll notice how good someone feels when you thank them for it.
The wise words of Garth Algar.
Just say thank you.
