The Skills that Might Just Keep Me Alive During the Zombie Apocalypse
If zombie movies have taught me anything, humans seeking to cure a devastating disease will create a vaccine that saves us all. Unfortunately, one of the side effects will be the zombification of the entire world.
Those lucky enough to escape inoculation will be beset upon by brain-hungry zombie hordes. This new world order will mean a lot of changes for civilization as we know it. Food shortages, fuel shortages, and might making right will be our new normal.
So what are the most useful skills to have during this trying time? Well, I hate to disappoint you, but a working knowledge of the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People probably won’t be much good.
Instead, skills like engine repair or foraging will be in demand. And you might want to rework your resume to include experience in successful siege warfare (if you happen to have any).
So what does a 5’2” female engineer have going for her? I’m not big, I’m not strong, I haven’t trained with weapons, and although I might be feisty I’m not much of a fighter.
I also wear glasses which is a big liability.
But nevertheless, I do have skills that will make me an asset to my post-Apocalyptic tribe.
Maybe not something you’d think is a such a fantastic skill. But just wait until there are no microwaves, no Instant Pots, and no grocery stores. What do you eat? Food that grows out of the ground, food you can forage, and food you kill and eat.
If you can cook those kinds of food (especially over an open flame) your post-apocalyptic tribe will keep you around for awhile. Everybody needs food, and if you can keep it coming and make it taste good, you’re a hero. The kind of hero worth protecting.
So hone your skills making some tasty treats — fry up that liver and boil dandelion stems — to feed your comrades when there’s no more Costco.
It’s comforting to know that you’ll be able to live until tomorrow. And it’s even more comforting to know you’ll be able to last out the winter. Planning ahead is a specialty of mine, and is a very useful skill in a world when resources are scarce.
Imagine what would happen if you ran out of food halfway through winter. Or if you head south to escape the winter only to realize that all those road maps you burned for fire last week would have come in pretty handy.
A group with someone like me, who can predict problems and solve them before they happen, is a group that is going to survive. And that means I’m worth keeping around.
Being small doesn’t have any advantage in a fight, but it’s a huge advantage when you don’t intend to fight in the first place. Fitting into small spaces, squeezing under detritus, and folding up into a tiny ball are just a few of my hiding skills.
Hiding means I won’t get in the way during the fight. And if I’m not screwing up, then I’m pretty much contributing to victory, right?
You can’t count on me to increase the zombie kill rate, but you can count on me to help the living after the dead are defeated.
What are you going to do when you can’t go to the mall and buy a new pair of pant? You’ll get me to make you some, that’s what.
Clothing is going to become a valuable resource when there aren’t any factories making new stuff. What you have right now is going to have to last you the rest of your life.
When you have someone in your tribe who can repair clothing and even sew new clothes out of scavenged cloth, you’re not doomed to wear rags for eternity. As someone who can stretch your resources to their limit, I’m an asset.
I can even darn holes, which I’m pretty sure is a lost art.
I can solve problems that might otherwise seem unsurmountable. I might not get to use this skill much during the Apocalypse, because the biggest, strongest, and the one with the most weapons will probably be in charge. But if my leader is wise, they’ll keep me around to help.
Engineering did teach me a few things (unfortunately I did not learn how to build a nuclear power plant from scratch), one of them being how to take what you’ve got and find a solution. Even if it’s not perfect.
While others are busy defending out stronghold with bullets and baseball bats, I’ll be figuring out how to build a transport out of the busted mess of vehicles we have on hand so we can get the rock out of dodge.
The survival of the fittest and the law of the jungle will definitely be at work during the Zombie Apocalypse, but there’s still a place for the meek. If you can make food out of stuff that doesn’t come from the grocery store, plan ahead for survival, hide, sew, and solve problems your tribe will keep you around.
Sorry, but if you’re meek and don’t have any skills, you’re destined for the Zombie buffet.
So sharpen up those skills. The future is decidedly not friendly.